All things Golden

“I haven’t been this scared since 1952, when St. Olaf’s most active volcano threatened to erupt. Luckily, there was some Druid priests who were in town for the opening of Stonehenge-land; they said they could stop it, if they could sacrifice the town’s dumbest virgin. I don’t know why I raised my hand, it must just have been the excitement of the moment, but they said the only way to prevent the eruption was for me to crawl through their legs up the volcano while they gave me my birthday wax. Well, and you’re not going to believe this, it turns out they weren’t Druid priests at all. Just a couple of shriners looking for a good time!”